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nothing wrong, like coffee, thicker

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[07 Nov 2004|09:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

spent a weekend at home and accomplished nothing responsible though i did read a book on the train and in a cafe which made me feel grown-up in the good way

met with stef and did a whole lot of wandering that was all sorts of lovely...i very much miss that type of lazy comfortable friend time

if i think about driving and where my foot is then i can't go in the right direction

i think i'd like to die my hair black and have blue bangs, my mother thought i was "over that phase" but i don't think i ever really had "that" phase to begin with

grad school makes me uneasy for responsiblity and adultness then i dread next semester when they actually give me a full load of responsiblity

this is as much effort as i can muster today but it is a start

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hit that tree hard [18 May 2004|10:37am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i'm officially graduated from undergrad...woo-fuckin-hoo, there will be a family party for no other reason than lena and stef think that they deserve cake for me graduating, that will be an interesting time

took pictures in sonia's cap and gown as proof of degrees after refusing to go to any of the three actual ceremonies...wore heels and ripped a chunk of toe off the pinkie toe that now stings like hell and looks icky...my mother decided that standing in front of pillars, stairs, and a giant urn of flowers was the most official looking

mom came down we packed and cleaned and moved out in the matter of two days...both the mini-van and little bastard were filled with crap so that only the windshield were clear for the most part...i just called and canceled utilities and feel adult-like and resposible

my room is now filled with said crap which has left me now room to move and sleeping in a two by five rectangle of floor...there will be no leg stretching for days

been lazy and relaxing for the past couple days...went to a sergio party, saw lena after long times and bonded over a fire and cold toes, discovered lots of little girls that make me feel old and bitter, ahhh big titty...saw asian invasion at the Harley shop while buying birthday presents for my daddy, took me off guard cuz i saw something little and annoying humping a man behind the check out counter then momentarily locked eyes for one of the awkward "we are aware of each other but not really" moments...then she bounced away...

hung out with jim lots having spent over twenty-four hours at his house wherein i watched lots of movies, took over his bed which is super comfy, looked white trash and didn't care, woke up to a box of crispy creme donuts for breakfast, learned about castrated pigs, saw troy late at night on a sunday, shot guns of sorts, took mutual naps throughout the day, drove a golf cart, watched the power of a potatoe gun, discovered that lots of fireworks' smoke makes me want to puke, drove into the field and sat on the back of a truck watching thunderstorms and lightning move in...all in all a lovely time

i just got back from the girly doctor and must say that it is always enjoyable...my doctor is always so very nice and quick

i think that i will apply to be a YMCA camp counselor this summer even though i hate summer heat and sun makes me burn to a crisp so i will have to be dipped in sunscreen daily, i want a change of pace from the bike shop and weekends off...oh who knows, i'll probably hate it and suck at it but doesn't hurt to try and i can always quit after aa week and go back to damn bicycles and commutes that getting longer everyday...eh i'll do that tomorrow

everyone should come home to begin the summer fun and there best be camping and bonfires at some point because i've been wanting that for oh so long

now i should go do more room cleaning then look for apartments

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we could masterbate on public places [27 Apr 2004|11:12pm]
[ mood | amused ]

apparently there have been sightings of a cougar or mountain lion prowling around lindenhurst...hope he don't eat my dog...craziness

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while your mother is sleeping [22 Apr 2004|02:39pm]
[ mood | busy ]

i skipped my last class because i damn well wanted to and instead had peannut butter-banana-honey sandwiches with nicole and watched part of extreme elimination challenge....so much better than learning about the history of leisure. i am now doing laundry like the productive little thing that i am.

nam's riding the train for ten hours to come down here and visit for a weekend. i'm going to pick her up bring her back to my apartment and ditch her for 24 hours while i go to niu for a tour and discussion with the director.

i'm tired of the crazy old man showing my apartment...they should just give up renting it for next year and let me be...crazy old landlord man making people get in my closets

for my sign language final i will be signing "hurt" by nine inch nails, i'm very hard core like that. its nice that he talks so slow because i am so slow

the roger ebert movie festival is this week and i am all about the one documenting pet cemetaries and their culture...mmm intriguing 70's documentaries about dead pets has got to be good stuff

it is going to rain and rain all weekend and i love that lots...such nice days when its good chilly-ness and pretty rain making me grin and open my windows

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craptacular [18 Apr 2004|09:26am]
[ mood | anxious ]

so my mommy came down to visit yesterday, we hung out then her car died in a dairy queen parking lot...thus much of the time spent together was figuring out repair shops and bus schedules. no fun, no fun. so now i am up super early on a sunday after having watched my mom drive off to suburbia in an attempt to make it home with a car that is pretending to be working fine. blah, i hope she makes it back without problems...i offered to follow her home in my car but she would have none of it so i'm crossing my fingers. that should be a very long hot ride across illinois on a hot sunny day.

i suppose i am awake and should accomplish something before it gets super hot and makes me want to sit around in my underwear drinking beer

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slip a dollar under the door [14 Apr 2004|04:11pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

this weekend was nice...got to spend time on a farm and eat lots of pizza. hung out with stef and lena as i have not in very long times, it was lovely just being in their company and driving around to the bumping and grind sounds of black eyed peas. easter was waking up too early and being exhausted so i went to bed at 8 and woke up at 4:30 in the morning to drive home in time for my monday morning class...it was cold and dark driving and i ate lots of candy from a bag...i'm a super schooling trooper i must say

cleared the fact that niu is my grad school of choice without too much fury and got mail from them offering me an assistantship...money and paid tuition is very good to me seeing as i have nothing to get me through grad school. hmmm perhaps they will set me up with a human sexuality gig, very intersting

i brought play-doh to my edpsych lecture today so that the professor wouldn't make me angry and it worked wonders. there is just something about that class that makes me edgy and bitter but play-doh fish and boats makes up for that

its finally getting around to sunny warmth today...my mommy is coming down saturday and spending the night for "mother's weekend." that should be good bonding as always with yummy food and groceries that i don't have to pay for. i plan on garden walks in sunshine, artsy movies, and that flower show thing that my mommy enjoys...oh and she should buy me random books to read.

i watched the entire presidential address last night and found myself backmouthing and flicking off the tv. damn he's dumb like a rock...yet i felt like a responsible adult for having forced myself to listen to the whole thing without storming off. its been four years and everytime i see gw i still do a double take, wondering if he is a saturday night live spoof or really that confused looking, ahhh he really is that confused

i would like to make an effort to learn about buddhism, i need to find a roommate and an apartment for next year, jim is being difficult and making things emotional, i have not been in the mood to make food so have been living off soup for the past couple of days...gets so old so fast.

someone come cook yummy things for my mouth

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backing into the wall [05 Apr 2004|07:06pm]
[ mood | happy ]

ever since the crush of schooling before spring break the past few days have seemed all sorts of relaxing and lovely...spring is sunny and cool breezes that make me walk slowly in the morning because its just nice to see greenness creeping out and letting my mind slip lazily into itself during my morning walks to class and their quietness

friday went to a percussion performance with lots of dressed up boys with pretty floppy hair playing frank zappa music on drums of all sorts...its was a good reason to don blue dressy old man pants and strut on over to krannert...i like the krannert concert hall on campus very much, the way it makes me feel cultured and childish all at once

went random road tripping down the highway with sonia only to discover more corn fields and turn around...mmmm peanut butter cup pies in my fridgerator make me fat and happy...then we went to pink floyd lazor light show, the "wish you were here" album...that is by far my favorite of the shows i've seen, such pretty songs to lean back in the darkness and sing and ache to...good times

sunday i woke up to jim calling and telling me that i had lost an hour due to the fact that daylight savings had snuck up and bit my ass without warning...damn savings and ruining a very productive sleeping into the afternoon without worry

just had a rockingly yummy dinner at O'charlies after getting my bridesmaid dress and buying random shoes...ten dollar dressy things from payless are just fine with me after expensive dresses...me and sonia were awfully confused by how to get the right height so settled on me putting the dress on in the middle of the store and walking around til we figured it out...big black women thought i was crazy but it got the job done

i've gotten all sorts of new random shoes this past week with each being $10...i'm a girl shoes make me happy as do kicky brown man flip flops on my feet

there is a loaf of french bread and cheery tomatoes on my counter, during my nap this afternoon i dreampt about anal raping an annoying asian couple with giant dildos then letting a big mexican man have his way with them...i think it signifies my repressed annoyance at my neighbor and the current trend of loudly fighting with his girlfriend in a chaotic mix of chinese, english, and "just fine"...he never means it when he leaves though-sucker man get some balls. hopefully tonights dreams will be sugar plums and cotton candy though that won't get me off as nicely

i'm going to prance around in my dress and shoes now

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turn out the lights turn back the sheets [02 Apr 2004|04:28pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i'm study breaking

all things birthday were very nice indeed. made jim come to family dinners where he was dressed up, quiet, and uncomfortable then got me some ice cream and dawn of the dead. it wasn't what i was expecting exactly but a good horror nonetheless. got a magnetic dartboard and case of beer from my parents then spent the night at jim's watching kill bill and vegetabling out in good form, it was nice and relaxing. stef and people's took me out on the weekend to the minneloa with a total of five other people and an angry bar keep...good times though playing random games and hoarding the jukebox. it was a good drunkness with lots of jill being randomly talkative and not remembering how it got that way, its alright though cuz birthdays were meant for meaningless babbling...pink fuzzy buddha banks make everything ironic and lovely

went to sonia's bridal shower and discovered that being in close proximity to very pregnant girls my age is just plain odd...silly maid of honor wanting to make babies with her husband. the rest of my spring break was mostly spent sleeping and doing homework...not much excitement but good old fashion relaxing.

eternal sunshine of a spotless mind was a nice little smirk and vince falling asleep. hanging out with vince randomly makes me appreciate our car talks just driving late at night home and the little insights he will some up with. its just a comfortable discussion that makes things calm inside.

its lovely outside...one more reason why basement living is all sorts of gloomy when there is sunshine and open door breezes to be had by others and their above ground windows

i bought myself $10 green and yellow gym shoes and fun underwear because it seemed like a good idea...

i think my teapot has become a slow whistler

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man is a fickle beast [15 Mar 2004|10:07am]
[ mood | listless ]

this weekend was a much needed break after midterms and projects and studying

had lunch with my mommy at her new job which was nice and while trying to figure how to manuever out of clc i confused a big mexican man on a cell phone. got to hang out with people i haven't seen in long long times which included a trip to las vegas and high school flashback as we became surrounded by post dance dorks. ahhh porn you mock me with your dollar values

rented chasing amy and enjoyed it despite ben affleck and his moon shaped head...watched part of being john malcovich to be pleasently surprised by john cusack with a ponytail, goodness he makes me all sorts of hot and bothered

i need to work on getting me another loan so i can afford to go to school...there best be financial aid packages in the mail for this higher education i must pursue

my sister has hair that is new to me with its blonde big roundness, she always looks cute if only i can remember what was before this latest fashion

ate punchkies and my mommy made me some rocking egg-foo young...st patricks in the form of rye and sandwich meat that squishes and reeks havoc on my mind

i'm bad at this balancing act of mine...its that tightness in my chest that tells me its worth it, that being scared might not pass but at least its a tingling for the right reasons and not pacing

nicole took me to passions of the christ and that was a bloody mess...its very odd being so oblivious to the whole bible concept in a room of people who got it memorized...damn triggering i must say but i suppose it was worth the look, and i feel more righteous in my belief that books tell stories

driving alone for 4 hours in the dark with nothing but blackness and corn fields fucks with my head...it gets me thinking of matt and leaves me sobbing somewhere between dwight and morris...its a peaceful, lonely sadness that hurts like hell but its all mine and some things are just selfish enough to make you breath again

there need to be more pictures of people looking like triumphant lego men standing atop a $50 car

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letter formed approval [15 Mar 2004|12:31am]
[ mood | excited ]

just found my mail and have now heard back from all but one of the schools that i've applied to, so far they have all accepted me...thank goodness for that and relief flowing through my toes and twitchy little fingers...so much has changed in the past year and so much will change from here

all-up in my eyes [05 Mar 2004|11:30am]
[ mood | hungry ]

tentative yoga due to foot hurtiness and lack of any other physical activity kept me awake, supposed to have lunch with krupa, we'll see if that actually happens, my oven is trying to piss me off then make me explode, fuck it...i'm wearing hot underwear for myself, rain yesterday made things lovely and lazy, i'm not ready to settle down onto the couch and study for a week and a half, it would be nice to have money not in the form of change, last weekend for led zepplin, who knew purple lights were fun, feeling icky about myself and looking, wishing i could be somewhere else with someone else instead of here and me, should have made it a point to remember the match aisle, hugging close and wincing with a smile, because i remember exactly how it looked in the half light and the shivering that it took

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bagel [28 Feb 2004|02:58pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

its warm and sunny and makes things like taking out the garbage all that much sweeter...it feels like spring thunderstorms should be creeping in and making grass soggy and green

yesterday nicole and i went to a forest preserve where she instructed me as to the art of longboarding...it all sorts of rocked and i want to be a longboarderer now...its supposedly easier than skateboarding so i've got that going for me...being one of the few weekends to be down at school i liked the getting away from campus and my apartment for a few hours of brown fields and healthy-like movement

i'd be all about yoga right now if only my ankle would stop being painful and twisty

the next two weeks are going to be lots of midterms and random exams that i will be all stressed and ill-prepared for. monday night i have a group essay exam for education classes which makes no sense to me what so ever...damn cutesy

last night there was a random mars related futuristic movie that was so very bad i couldn't help but watch...they made a point of saying that you couldn't breath on mars...then decided that as long as you wore goggles you'd be just fine... then half way thru they gave up the goggles, guess they figured that the random marilyn manson-esque zombies would distract from the fact that they weren't breathing...ahhh i feel like a sci-fi dork

pace yourself and then you can remember and refrain from dancing...sleeping in on mondays is lovely...crazy liberal that i am

working with potatoes that have done the little sprouty-ness and ripping said sprouts off creeps me out so much more that it should...something about it makes me think of ripping the legs off of a bug...somewhere there is a potato screaming...random vegetable related heebie jeebies

there is a box of drumstick ice cream cones in my freezer that makes things seem like 5 yrs old and summer

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thinking makes me sad [18 Feb 2004|08:35pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i feel like doomsday sickness crap...my computer is being angsty and making me delete music to free up memory so functioning can commence with that snazzy rocketship...leisure studies makes me angry...simpsons and saved by the bell in the middle of the day makes me smile...screw academic effort i just want a long back rub and a bath...washing dishes is a sad substitute

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bruise it good [16 Feb 2004|10:18pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

station wagons feel like all sorts of luxury with their heating and radio choices even in the frigid cold...love my car but i draw the line when she gives up on the concept of braking and tries to throw me into traffic...hopefully its simple to fix and does not come again because that left me jittery and such

driving past sleeping among darkness warming up makes me smile

three hours of sleep to drive three hours to a class that in retrospect i could have said to hell with and commenced with lovely sleeping-in activities is not my idea of fun...this is what youth was meant for though...its waking up and rolling over into peacefulness that makes it alright

apartments with roommates and activity make me nostalgic and wanting randomness and people...too bad i forgot my sandwich and cupcakes in the transition

falling asleep to goodfellas does a body good
puppies are the best things ever invented...rolling around and eating my pigtails because its a good time...there is something so wonderful about being able to hold a squirming fuzzy thing in your hands no matter how nippy it may be...someday he'll grow into those floating ears in dog dishes...more dogs should own sex toys

i've never gotten so many hugs from little italian women...streamers and tinseled out crowns are nothing like the family i know...7-7 seems to smooth out the edges...its an arm around me and a brilliant big toe...its glances and people and secrets and patting the seat to grab my hand...hard to feel like a pensive martyr with that look in your eyes

that is the first grampa kiss of my life...there is nothing like the warmth of a bed well slept in at 5 in the morning

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childhood wrapped up in a popples sleeping bag [13 Feb 2004|10:51pm]
[ mood | confused ]

i've been in odd sort of moods lately feeling very lonesome and meaningless in myself. since wednesdays and remembering i haven't felt right in documenting my days and trival thoughts...just didn't feel right or respectful i suppose, but time isn't stopping so i guess that i haven't either and should just suck it up.

spent a weekend much to myself with lots of alcohol and pills to put sleepiness in my head. it was good for me to indulge that sadness with days and days of nothing but myself andd crying and aching...it made me miss people and company that understands that very same feeling deep in their throats.

damn my aching foot

wore a lovely pleated mini-skirt that occurred because i have scissors and was bored. made me feel hot and tall teetering around at 6'2" but its not so bad when you're sitting and not in public places. drove behind jim and his blinkers because truck's without brakes can be very dangerous things on two hour road trips.

tomorrow i'm supposed to bowl and meet family members that will supposedly hug me and be very italian in nature. that will be an interesting turn of events...but i like waking up to familiar breathing and fingers across my back so i'll make the most of it and the lack of monster truck rallies that i was promised.

i should learn about red wines and the artistic sipping that seems to come so naturally.

my mommy starts her new job monday. i'm proud of her and should take her out for lunch tomorrow to celebrate...she's been a trooper the past couple of months.

i'm not sure what's going through my head right now...its too fast and i'm too slow to keep up

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[03 Feb 2004|10:21pm]
its a tightness in my stomach and sore scratching from behind my eyes
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[26 Jan 2004|09:56pm]
[ mood | restless ]

it snowed all sorts last night leaving wintery drifting all over the roads as i tramped to classes. my boots from mud related driving activities were proclaimed mud free today after many days spent walking around in snow and rain to melt it away...3 months ain't too bad for clean leather

i slipped on nicole's steps and have a nice bruised ass that makes sitting awkward and careful

quesadillas with margaritas and pushing my boobs into bridesmaid dresses makes evening go by faster. i can deal with dark lavender and first times in floor length gowns that cover everything but my arms...all is well though since massaging makes scars fade and concealer is plentiful. i enjoy sonia's approval of my life and her fearful driving on snowy streets that was soo slow that that in itself was frightening.

manual communication makes monday afternoons all sorts of finger twirling and confusing in oddly amusing ways...i need me some deaf choiring and leaning against my forehead

wearing a flowy things to bed tonight because sometimes its nice to think that satin and lace matter in the long run even if i'm the only one who knows it tonight

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five am and too tired to ever sleep [25 Jan 2004|04:46pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

weather men scare the bejesus out of my parents and as such i was forced to start my little drive back to school at 8:30 this morning. it made me angry and grumpy even after homemade french taost for breakfast but i survived and made record time since most of the way down was too early for sunday-god fearing drivers in driving caps. it best get around to ice storming sometime soon cuz i don't like having woken up early when i don't need to, at least its snowing now.

so stef stayed with me during my first week back at school and it was a lovely way for me to ease myself into my hermitness. sadness happening and being left with no one but me and my inability to come up with anything beyond gentle back rubbing and sorry probably wasn't helpful but i was glad to have stef all to myself. yummy food at all hours of the day and lots of couch sitting to odd movies and random records is nice on frigid days. selfishness is easy when its served up to you

friday i watched jim's soccer game while sitting with a bleacher full of team girlfriends. it was all very exciting with lots of people being thrown around and me in awe of the fact that people can be that freaking active and then all of a sudden luke would fly out of nowhere and run down the field like a bat out of hell. it all made me want to be big and tough for a solid five minutes. jim scored a goal in the last five seconds of play with a big grunt, they lost i think but it was fun nonetheless...and to think i brought my dirty little book to keep me entertained. my apartment is much nicer with life amd candlelight, and only once was a fire started...leisurely bonding is scrumptous

speaking of dirty little books, i love it when stef let's me borrow books to read in between classes. all the better when there is anal-midget-satan worship sex orgies. mmmm literature is a good time, makes me feel all sorts of naughty sitting next to people unaware of all the fucking going on right in front in my face.

playing records and sipping cider while watching snow fall makes sundays alone all sorts of fuzzy. steely dan is a big red record and i am all sorts of delighted by my little collection of late. bridge of sighs is all sorts of 70's and grooving. my neighbor watches all sorts of chinese soap opera as of late

i don't like my semester's classes. they make me an angry girl and sarcastic at that. screw waking up early, i'm going to amuse myself and hopefully fall asleep by midnight because that would be lovely.

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now that's just bizarre [16 Jan 2004|01:18pm]
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:silentshrieking
Your haiku:insane amounts of
mud come flying off...then i get
a call from jim saying
Created by Grahame
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boredom puts a gun to my head and makes me type [12 Jan 2004|11:59pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i'm in champaign for a day of bringing down large objects and getting books. the tuna fish is shriveled but not molded thank goodness. my fire alarm battery must be dying cuz it kept beeping every five minutes so i ripped it off the ceiling and can hear my mommy foretelling midnight fires that will wake and burn me without warning. i'm listening to a joni mitchell album on my super fly record player and its lovely. i never want to chop off my fingers. i like jim's new apartment very much and his cousin roommate offers beer and puts me at ease. who ever thought that mr. bean marathons could be entertaining. stef is a math champ. i have to leave early tomorrow so i will commence with the sleeping and return with stories and forest fire some other time.

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